Tetchiness Temperament? Terrible twos?
or Maybe Even A Temper Tantrum!

by Cassandra Smith

     Envision this if you will, you and your child are going down the aisle when s/he sees the latest toy that has been adverised on television for months now. Your child eyes pop open, and s/he lights up with antisapation. Then, the imaginary halo over his/her head appers, and with the sweetest, little voice, your child asks THE question. "Mommy, can I have that toy, pleeezzze???" Now, you feel you are in a western stand still with both strong-wills as the weapon of choice. No, is your answer, and the drawing of weapons begin! Your child wails like a tornado siren as you try to reason with him/her as you feel everybody's eyes on you. Does this sound familar to you? If so, read on about the nerve-wracking subject of Temper Tantrums.

     According to the Webster's New Milennium Dictionary of English, a temper tantrum is a loss of mental balance or composure, especially by an outburst of anger or irritation. Now, my question is who's mental balance? The child's or the parent's mental balance? (LOL) With all kidding aside, it can be both, but in this case, the child's mental balance is the one that is being referred to.

     The sources I researched were from Iowa State University, www.kidshealth.org , American Academy of Peidtrics (www.aap.org), the Mayo Clinic (www.mayoclinic.com), Dr. Greene (www.drgreene.org), www.webmd.com, AskDrSears.com (www.askdrsears.com), and the book The Everything Parent's Guide to Tantrums, by Joni Levine, M.Ed. All these sources relativity resounds the same advice. Therefore, I will relay what the "experts" say on the subject. However, I need to add my two cents here.

     I was rasied by parents and grandparents that believed in spanking and I, too, am a parent with that same belief. When I had a temper tantrum as a child, I got a spanking as well as my boys have. I have not suffer any psychological affects due to it nor do I believe that my boys have either. With that, you can tell what my remdey is to the temper tantrum problem part of the time (each case is different), BUT not all children are the same. So, I also believe that reading what the experts have to say is worthwhile, because what may work for one child may not for another. So, on with the "experts' advice"!

     "Temper tantrums are common, occurring in about 80% of children between the ages of 1 and 4. About 20% of 2-year-olds and 10% of 4-year-olds have daily temper tantrums." states Webmd. (http://children.webmd.com/tc/temper-tantrums-topic-overview) This means that the for the majority of children the temper tantrums will lessen as they get older. In addition, this explains why the "Terrible Twos" exist. However, what causes a child to have a tantrum? At that age, can they really plot to make a parent's life miserable? Let see what the experts think on this one.

     "Your toddler's temper tnatrums are not planned or intentional. There are many reaons why your toddler may have a temper tantrum, but all of the reasons stem from either environmental factors such as overstimulation or fatigue or from the natural development of your child's cognitive, social, and emotional maturity." explains Joni Levine, M.Ed., in the book The Everything Parent's Guilde to Tantrums. The four reasons she gives as well as the rest of my sources gives is as follows:

1. Separation Anxiety
2. Egocentrism (In the sense, they are not quite mature enough to see concepts from other people's perspective. Remember the toy example mentioned at the beginning?)
3. Autonomy (In the sense, your child is trying to gain independence.)
4. Lack of Language Skills

     If you think about those four concepts, and the times your child has thrown a fit, you can see that the majority of the tantrums fit in one or more of these categories. In my case, as I thought about my boys in this stage, I could see it. So, what is a parent to do about the tantrum now that we know the cause?

     According to Mary L. Gavin, MD, from KidsHealth.com, "The best way to deal with temper tantrums is to avoid them in the first place, whenever possible." (http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/tantrums.html ). Here are some suggestions she gives on how to handle temper tantrums:

1. Make sure your child isn't acting up simply because he or she isn't getting enough attention. To a child, negative attention (a parent's response to a tantrum) is better than no attention at all. Try to establish a habit of catching your child being good ("time in"), which means rewarding your little one with attention for positive behavior.
2.  Try to give toddlers some control over little things. This may fulfill the need for independence and ward off tantrums. Offer minor choices such as "Do you want orange juice or apple juice?" or "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after taking a bath?" This way, you aren't asking "Do you want to brush your teeth now?" — which inevitably will be answered "no."
3. Keep off-limits objects out of sight and out of reach to make struggles less likely to develop over them. Obviously, this isn't always possible, especially outside of the home where the environment can't be controlled.
4. Distract your child. Take advantage of your little one's short attention span by offering a replacement for the coveted object or beginning a new activity to replace the frustrating or forbidden one. Or simply change the environment. Take your toddler outside or inside or move to a different room.
5. Set the stage for success when kids are playing or trying to master a new task. Offer age-appropriate toys and games. Also, start with something simple before moving on to more challenging tasks.
6. Consider the request carefully when your child wants something. Is it outrageous? Maybe it isn't. Choose your battles; accommodate when you can.
7. Know your child's limits. If you know your toddler is tired, it's not the best time to go grocery shopping or try to squeeze in one more errand.

     However, the top sugguestion that comes from all my sources is to keep your cool! Yes, it is easier said than done, but look at it from this point of view. One of you has to be in control of the situation, and the child is not able to. So, as the parent, we become the one that needs to stay in focus for what is best for our child.

     Now, for most children, temper tantrums will lessen as s/he gets older, but not all of them. Alan Greene, MD FAAP, of drgreene.com wrote the article, Temper Tantrums-When to Worry. Within this articles, he explains about a study that has been recently been done about children and temper tantrums. Also, he explains when to worry about your child's tantrums. Here is what he states:

1. Aggressive tantrums. If a child shows aggression toward a caregiver or tries to destroy toys or other objects during most tantrums, the child may have ADHD, oppositional-defiant disorder, or another disruptive disorder. Specifically, if more than half of a series of 10 or 20 tantrums includes aggression to caregivers and/or objects, consider an evaluation. Depressed children may also have a pattern of aggressive tantrums.

2. Self-injurious tantrums. By the time a child reaches age 3, a pattern of trying to hurt oneself during a tantrum may be a sign of major depression and should always be evaluated. At this age tantrums that include behaviors such as scratching oneself till the skin bleeds, head-banging, or biting oneself are red flags no matter how long the tantrums last or how often they occur. In this study, they were almost always associated with a psychiatric diagnosis.

3. Frequent tantrums. Tantrums at home are more common than tantrums in daycare or school. Having 10 separate tantrums on a single day at home may just be a bad day, but if it happens more than once in a 30 day period, there is a greater risk of a clinical problem. The same goes for more than 5 separate tantrums a day on multiple days at school. In this study, when tantrums occurred at school, or outside of home or school, more than 5 times a day on multiple days, there was a higher risk of ADHD and other disruptive disorders.

4. Prolonged tantrums. A normal tantrum in this study averaged about 11 minutes (though I’m sure it seemed a lot longer to parents!). When a child’s typical tantrums last more than 25 minutes each, on average, further evaluation is wise.

5. Tantrums requiring external help. Kids who usually require extra help from a caregiver to recover from a tantrum were at higher risk for ADHD, no matter how frequent the tantrums were or how long they lasted. Speaking calmly to your child in the midst of a tantrum, or acting reassuringly, is normal. But if you find you can’t stop a tantrum without giving in or offering a bribe, pay attention. By age 3, kids should be learning how to calm themselves.

     Of course, when in doubt, seek it out. In other words, if you do not know or have any doubts, seek professional help, because nothing is more important than the treasure that was given to you, your child. If all else fails, the Bible verse I Corinthians 10:12 comes to mind, "This too shall pass".